Hard

Why is it so hard?

Yesterday I started the journey to overcoming. (Started it for the hundredth time, but that's beside the point.) Honestly, I thought I would at least make it a day or two on this new-found resolve before I had to do battle with temptation again. Not so.

Tonight, as the house quieted and one by one the family drifted to their rooms for the night, I felt my mind being drawn back to my sexual addiction. I was furious with myself. Why?? Why do I so quickly and so easily gravitate to that which is so wrong? Why can't I be drawn to what is right instead? Why is it so hard?

The answer hit me like a ton of bricks: Because when your flesh is weak, you are drawn to that which pleases your flesh. 

In the grand scheme of things, today was not a hard day. Still, there were just enough challenges in today to make me tired, weary, weak. On top of that, for some reason, tonight I was overcome with a longing for my future husband that brought me to tears. I felt lonely, impatient, weak.

So, with my flesh weak both inside and out, I felt the vacuum of addiction and desire to please my flesh sucking me toward the pit of sin. But the Word of God came to my rescue and reminded me that I am not bound to do what my flesh would have me do.

"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit." (‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭5-9‬ NIV)

For a long time now I have been living as one "in the realm of the flesh", that is, one who has not received new life in Christ and been given the gift of the Holy Spirit. But that is not who I am! I have received new life in Christ. I do have the gift of the Holy Spirit. I am not governed by my flesh or bound to do what my flesh desires. I am in the realm of the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom! (2 Corinthians 3:17)

I am claiming my freedom from this flesh and this addiction!! If you are in Christ, whatever your struggle is, won't you claim this freedom with me? It's been given to us. It's there for the taking. Let us accept the gift!!

If you don't know Jesus yet, that means you're still in the "realm of the flesh." And according to Romans 8, the mind governed by the flesh not only doesn't submit to God's law, it can't. No matter how hard you try, without His Spirit, you cannot do it. But that's why God sent Jesus, His only Son, to take the punishment of death so our sins could be forgiven and to be raised back to life so that we could have eternal life with Him. When we make the choice to believe in Jesus, we take the leap from the "realm of the flesh" to the "realm of the Spirit", and that's where freedom is found.

Is it still hard?

Yes, sometimes.

Why?

Because our flesh still exists.

So what's the difference?

The difference is that, though our flesh still exists, we're no longer governed by it.

The difference is it's hard, not impossible.

My Struggle

I am single. And I am addicted to sex.

There you go. That's about as honest as it gets, don't you think?  But that's the point of this. I need to be honest. I have to be honest.

Now when I say I'm addicted to sex, that could mean a lot of things. A lot of us are addicted to sex, and it looks different on each of us. Let me tell you what it means for me.

For me, it doesn't mean I run around town having sex with every guy I meet. I've never even kissed a guy (unless you count that time when I was five), and I only held hands with one once when I was thirteen.  In fact, the thought of actually having sex weirds me out at best and frightens me at worst.

For me, it doesn't mean spending hours watching pornography. Though I have seen a handful of pornographic images, and if I'm honest, it disturbs me.

For me, it means I read about sex. A lot. No pictures. No actions. Just words. Black and white on a screen late at night. I think the technical term is "erotica". That might not seem like a big deal to you, but it is. It might not seem "as bad" to you, but it is. I can tell you that I walk around with the same feelings as the young woman who repeatedly gives her body away or the man who just can't stop clicking and looking and clicking and looking. We all feel it: the shame, the fear, the anger, the despair. It doesn't matter what form the addiction takes, the result is the same: It's still sex. It's still addiction. It's still wrong.

There are those who will argue with me. They'll say it isn't wrong. They'll say I'm wrong for thinking it's wrong. Perhaps I'll address that in a later post. For now, I'll just say that I know it is wrong because I watch it eat away at my relationship with Jesus and pull me further from Him. That's not okay with me, and I don't think it's okay with Him either. So I must overcome. With His help, in His strength, I must overcome.

I think that's why He led me to start this blog--a step in the direction of overcoming. But I don't think He just wants to overcome my struggle; I think He wants to use my struggle. Just like He wants to use yours. It is my prayer that this won't just be a blog. I pray that this will become a community where we can come together in Him so that we can overcome together in Him.

Come join me, friend. Don't worry about being judged; the playing field is level here. We all have a struggle. We all need to overcome. There's only one way to do that, and His name is Jesus. Let the end begin here!