My Struggle

I am single. And I am addicted to sex.

There you go. That's about as honest as it gets, don't you think?  But that's the point of this. I need to be honest. I have to be honest.

Now when I say I'm addicted to sex, that could mean a lot of things. A lot of us are addicted to sex, and it looks different on each of us. Let me tell you what it means for me.

For me, it doesn't mean I run around town having sex with every guy I meet. I've never even kissed a guy (unless you count that time when I was five), and I only held hands with one once when I was thirteen.  In fact, the thought of actually having sex weirds me out at best and frightens me at worst.

For me, it doesn't mean spending hours watching pornography. Though I have seen a handful of pornographic images, and if I'm honest, it disturbs me.

For me, it means I read about sex. A lot. No pictures. No actions. Just words. Black and white on a screen late at night. I think the technical term is "erotica". That might not seem like a big deal to you, but it is. It might not seem "as bad" to you, but it is. I can tell you that I walk around with the same feelings as the young woman who repeatedly gives her body away or the man who just can't stop clicking and looking and clicking and looking. We all feel it: the shame, the fear, the anger, the despair. It doesn't matter what form the addiction takes, the result is the same: It's still sex. It's still addiction. It's still wrong.

There are those who will argue with me. They'll say it isn't wrong. They'll say I'm wrong for thinking it's wrong. Perhaps I'll address that in a later post. For now, I'll just say that I know it is wrong because I watch it eat away at my relationship with Jesus and pull me further from Him. That's not okay with me, and I don't think it's okay with Him either. So I must overcome. With His help, in His strength, I must overcome.

I think that's why He led me to start this blog--a step in the direction of overcoming. But I don't think He just wants to overcome my struggle; I think He wants to use my struggle. Just like He wants to use yours. It is my prayer that this won't just be a blog. I pray that this will become a community where we can come together in Him so that we can overcome together in Him.

Come join me, friend. Don't worry about being judged; the playing field is level here. We all have a struggle. We all need to overcome. There's only one way to do that, and His name is Jesus. Let the end begin here!