Drawing

I did it again. Three nights ago, I gave in to my struggle. I read things I shouldn't have read. I thought things I shouldn't have thought. And I dealt with the guilt and the shame all over again. Sometimes it feels like a bad movie that, for some really stupid reason, I keep choosing to watch again, each time hoping it will end differently. It never does.

So, why did I do it? I asked myself that question the next day, and I quickly realized the answer.

It is a fact if life that we women are more, shall we say, emotional on certain days of the month. I have observed that we are all more vulnerable to Satan's attacks, in all their many forms, on those days. Three days ago, I had one of those days. As I went to bed, I felt exhausted, lonely, worried, and overwhelmed. My mind was too unsettled to sleep. I reached for my phone, and I made a choice.

The wrong choice.

I chose sin.

I could have chosen to open my YouVersion Bible app and find solace in my Savior. Instead, I chose to open my browser and find solace in my sin.

WHAT?!? How stupid is that, right?! Finding solace in your sin? Why did I think that would work? I mean, really, who does that?!

Well, if we're honest, I think a lot of us do. Satan isn't dumb enough to try to take down a strong Christian in a strong moment. What would that gain him? Just a good thrashing with the Word, most likely. No, instead he waits for our weak moments. We're human. We have those. And when we do, that's when he strikes. He sees us in our tired moments, our stressed moments, our painful moments, our monthly-womanly-emotional moments, and he seizes the opportunity to blast us with temptation. And what do we do? Unfortunately, all too often we do what I did. We choose sin.

But why? We know choosing the sin will only end with us feeling guilty and ashamed, and it takes just as much thumb power to open the browser as it does to open the Bible app. So why do we do it? Why, when life and death are set before us, do we choose death?

I think the answer is one of Satan's greatest, most effective schemes: he has convinced us that choosing the sin is easier than choosing the Savior.

In our weak moments, we're lazy. We want the quickest, easiest escape from what we're feeling, and Satan has convinced our subconscious that sin is it. He tries to make us believe that when Jesus tells us, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest," (‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬) that this "coming" is hard work. He tries to tell us that when the Word says, "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you," (James 4:8) that this "drawing" is like trying to climb a knotted rope all the way to heaven. Somehow, the enemy of our souls has duped us into thinking that when we are weak and weary and worn, that when we are empty and emotional and exhausted, that in those moments it is all but impossible for us to get to Jesus. And when we believe that lie, then in our weak moments when we are searching for solace, we will dive into our sin instead of diving into our Savior.

So the question becomes: what do we do about it?

Well, the only way to fight any lie is with the Truth. In this case, the truth is that Jesus is with us in our weakest moments, and He certainly won't leave us in the middle of them. In fact, He promised us that when He said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)  And when He told us to come to Him and draw near to Him, that's really just as simple as calling out His name.

Satan would have us believe that it's a long, difficult journey to get to Jesus, but a short, easy step into our sin. The truth is that both sin and Savior are right there waiting for us. The one we choose to draw near to is the one that will draw near to us and envelop us.

Whom are we drawing near to?