Drawing

I did it again. Three nights ago, I gave in to my struggle. I read things I shouldn't have read. I thought things I shouldn't have thought. And I dealt with the guilt and the shame all over again. Sometimes it feels like a bad movie that, for some really stupid reason, I keep choosing to watch again, each time hoping it will end differently. It never does.

So, why did I do it? I asked myself that question the next day, and I quickly realized the answer.

It is a fact if life that we women are more, shall we say, emotional on certain days of the month. I have observed that we are all more vulnerable to Satan's attacks, in all their many forms, on those days. Three days ago, I had one of those days. As I went to bed, I felt exhausted, lonely, worried, and overwhelmed. My mind was too unsettled to sleep. I reached for my phone, and I made a choice.

The wrong choice.

I chose sin.

I could have chosen to open my YouVersion Bible app and find solace in my Savior. Instead, I chose to open my browser and find solace in my sin.

WHAT?!? How stupid is that, right?! Finding solace in your sin? Why did I think that would work? I mean, really, who does that?!

Well, if we're honest, I think a lot of us do. Satan isn't dumb enough to try to take down a strong Christian in a strong moment. What would that gain him? Just a good thrashing with the Word, most likely. No, instead he waits for our weak moments. We're human. We have those. And when we do, that's when he strikes. He sees us in our tired moments, our stressed moments, our painful moments, our monthly-womanly-emotional moments, and he seizes the opportunity to blast us with temptation. And what do we do? Unfortunately, all too often we do what I did. We choose sin.

But why? We know choosing the sin will only end with us feeling guilty and ashamed, and it takes just as much thumb power to open the browser as it does to open the Bible app. So why do we do it? Why, when life and death are set before us, do we choose death?

I think the answer is one of Satan's greatest, most effective schemes: he has convinced us that choosing the sin is easier than choosing the Savior.

In our weak moments, we're lazy. We want the quickest, easiest escape from what we're feeling, and Satan has convinced our subconscious that sin is it. He tries to make us believe that when Jesus tells us, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest," (‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬) that this "coming" is hard work. He tries to tell us that when the Word says, "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you," (James 4:8) that this "drawing" is like trying to climb a knotted rope all the way to heaven. Somehow, the enemy of our souls has duped us into thinking that when we are weak and weary and worn, that when we are empty and emotional and exhausted, that in those moments it is all but impossible for us to get to Jesus. And when we believe that lie, then in our weak moments when we are searching for solace, we will dive into our sin instead of diving into our Savior.

So the question becomes: what do we do about it?

Well, the only way to fight any lie is with the Truth. In this case, the truth is that Jesus is with us in our weakest moments, and He certainly won't leave us in the middle of them. In fact, He promised us that when He said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)  And when He told us to come to Him and draw near to Him, that's really just as simple as calling out His name.

Satan would have us believe that it's a long, difficult journey to get to Jesus, but a short, easy step into our sin. The truth is that both sin and Savior are right there waiting for us. The one we choose to draw near to is the one that will draw near to us and envelop us.

Whom are we drawing near to?

Focus

I don't have a sexual addiction problem.

You don't have a sexual addiction problem.

You don't have an alcohol problem. Or a drug problem. Or an anger problem. Or a gossip problem. Or a pride problem. Or a fear problem. Or...or...or...

We have a problem, but it isn't any of these. Our problem is a focus problem.

See, when we get lost in these sins, the root of the problem always lies with our focus. No matter what the sin struggle is, the heart of the problem is always the same: we have taken our focus off of Jesus and placed it on something else. And more often than not, that something is ourselves.

Unfortunately, we often run into the same problem when we try to find victory over our addictions and struggles. Many of us, myself included, have tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed to overcome to the point that we simply feel hopeless. Why? Why can't we get there? Why, when we so desperately want to overcome, are we unable to do it?

I think the reason we are unable to overcome is the same reason we ended up in this sin in the first place: our focus problem. I may be the only one, but I bet I speak for a lot of us when I say that when I have tried to overcome my sexual addiction, I have spent all my energy and focus and effort on not sinning. And there we find the problem.

You see, when we focus on not sinning, our focus is still on the sin! Sure, we're now focused on not doing it instead of focused on doing it, but our focus is still on the sin. That's a problem. Our focus should only. ever. always. be on Jesus.

Hebrews 12:1 tells us to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles" and to "run with perseverance the race marked out for us." So how? How do we throw off this sin and run the race of life the way we're supposed to? Verse 2 gives us the answer. We do it by "fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith."

Wow. We don't get rid of sin by trying to get rid of sin. (In fact, I think the devil would be perfectly content if none of us ever sinned again, so long as he could keep us focused on not sinning instead of focused on Jesus.) We get rid of sin by fixing our eyes on Jesus.

The truth is, wherever we fix our eyes, the rest of our being will follow. Where will we fix our eyes today?